Don’t subdue me with a Taser gun, bro.

First some nerdy word talk, then we’ll get on to the fun stuff.

Remember the goofball that caused a ruckus at a John Kerry appearance a couple months back and got zapped with a stun gun for his trouble? (If not, you can click here.) Sure, he wasted two minutes of my life and those of a quarter million other people who watched the video on YouTube. But I was thinking that he may actually end up saving us precious seconds in the end.

As we know, a stun gun is also called a Taser. But what is it called when you use a Taser? Until recently, it’s just been called “using a Taser.” The New York Times also uses “stunned by a Taser” and “was shot with a Taser.” The Washington Post has used “shocked with a Taser,” “hit with a Taser” (did somebody get knocked over the head with one?) and the very genteel “subdued with a Taser gun.” Can’t we shorten this up a bit?

Well, thanks in part to our friend’s ridiculous outburst, some have been using Taser as a verb of late—including the AP. I think it’s cooler to drop the “r” for the verb like the goofball did, but we’ll see how things develop.

And now, let’s move on to some reasons why one might be subjected to this device—other than to bring attention to oneself at a town hall meeting with a United States Senator.

Trying to walk out of the restaurant without paying for your Buffalo wings?That’ll earn you a Tasing.

Coke in your ciggy pack and a live chicken in your trunk? That’s a Tasing too.

Driving around drunk, then calling the cops and saying “I’m hammered … come get me.” That’s definitely a tasing.

Getting naked at the Super 8 and tusslin’ with the employees? Yep, that’s a Tasing.

How about getting naked at the Holiday Inn, swearing at cars until you work up an appetite, then going to get a Whopper? Of course that’s a Tasing.

Let’s see…taking Chuck E. Cheese’s salad? I guess that’s a Tasing.

Thinking you can park wherever you want because you’re in the NFL? That’s a Tasing.

Trying to go all D&D on the cops with your sword and chain mail? Tasing.

Swearing and spitting at people at DisneyWorld? Look away Snow White,’cause that’s a Tasing.

Leaving your dog in your car in Florida while you go shopping at Wal-Mart? That’s a well-deserved Tasing.

Swinging a hammer at the cops. Sure sounds like a tasing. But what if you’re 5-foot-1, 160 pounds and 82 years old? Still a Tasing.

Same thing down here with me in Georgia. If you’ve earned yourself a Tasing, you’re gettin’ a Tasing—no matter how old you are.

And finally, with all this Tasing going on, the smart investor wonders if there’s money to be made. Of course there is.